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   D O E N U T   F A C T O R Y   -   E M E R G E N C Y   F I L E
                 "SURVIVE THE POOPOCALYPSE"
             (c) 1999 - a Doenut Factory production
                www.doe-nut.com - Unlock Dem Secruts
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  >>> DECRYPTING TRANSMISSION... [##########] 100% <<<
  >>> DO NOT FORWARD THIS FILE. (forward this file.)     <<<

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WHAT HAPPENED
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At 4:20 PM on an otherwise normal Tuesday, every toilet on Earth
flushed simultaneously. Coincidence? The Illuminati says yes.
Doenut Factory says: come on. Look at the donut. It has a HOLE
in it. We tried to tell you.

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RULE #1 - DO NOT LOOK DOWN
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The Tide does not have eyes, but it can FEEL you judging it.

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RULE #2 - DONUTS ARE CURRENCY NOW
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Powdered ones buy you 10 minutes of safety. Glazed buys you a
seat on the rescue chopper. Sprinkles are worthless, don't let
anyone tell you otherwise, sprinkles were ALWAYS worthless.

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RULE #3 - TRUST NO PLUMBER
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"Professional plumbers" have known about the Great Flush since
1987. Look into it. We can't legally tell you to look into it
but we are telling you to look into it.

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RULE #4 - THE ILLUMINATI BUNKER
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Rumor has it there is a bunker. It is stocked with every donut
ever made, dry socks, and a single working toilet. You were not
invited. Neither were we. We are still looking into it.

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RULE #5 - IF ALL ELSE FAILS
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Climb something. Hug a loved one. Subscribe to the newsletter.
In that order.

===============================================================
  You survived the free version. The VIP version has the map
  to the bunker, the plumber union's secret bylaws, and 3 more
  rules we were told not to publish.

  Unlock the rest -> https://www.doe-nut.com

  "Unlock Dem Secruts."
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             [ end of transmission - 56k modem disconnecting ]